Saturday, May 17, 2008

Realistic Regulations

Yep. Personal growth. I am realistically coming to terms with ideas that are "Not So Great".

17~ Try to be witty with stupid people. I end up frustrated and condescending

16~Make bigger than WalMart purchases by myself. Yeah. I hate moving the sprinklers around. Probably should have purchased sod AFTER we had run the lines...

15~Babysit. I like when my OWN kids go off to play...still covet my time.

14~Dance in public. Um. Not so good at this. I KNOW this for a fact. No one else should have to know it.

13~Volunteer. Well, I am the first to say, "I'll help!". But honestly, I think it's for the gratitude from the receivers, not the good feelings on my part. I am working on this. Hope to be able to remove it from this list by next Saturday.

12~Volunteer Wil. Not such a fantastic idea. I am the first to offer him up for hanging a shelf, moving a box, building ANYTHING. I hear about it later.

11~Throw the perfect party. I can plan the party for a month into the future, Hell, a year and I'll be doing EVERYTHING the evening before. (Can we say, PRO-CRAS-TI-NA-TOR?)

10~Start organizing. There are some things I know I am not good at. ORGANIZATION is a biggy. The entire house ends up in a state of destruction as I am FOCUS Deficient. I am a flit-er. If an item takes me away from my task at hand, I end up doing something in my new location.

9~Blog all day. Self explanatory, eh? The house is in disarray. My blog is tidy. Serious breech in prioritizing.

8~Think there are more than 24 hours in a day. There aren't.

7~ Ask the unknowns (that's you, dear lurker) to comment on this blog. I can't even get my own Mom to validate my time wasting on the puter.

6~ Expect mind reading. As hard as I try to believe this should be a feasible trait, the world at large is NOT blessed with an ability to go into my brain and understand what I am actually thinking. Weird.

5~ Be the funniest person in the world. I am too grouchy. Did you know Hilarity and Grumpiness don't mesh? I know! I am at a loss...

4~ File my nails on the belt sander. Does anyone out there do manicures?

3~ Use colorful metaphors. At dinner, Kate asked, "Will someone please pass the FREAKIN' ketchup. I looked at Wil and with a smirk said, "Sorry."

2~ Bark at people. This is a long story. But after an episode of my dog-iness, I was asked by a extremely strong looking woman (I use "woman" in an attempt to refrain from using colorful metaphors) if I wanted to fight. Wil stepped in and respectfully declined her invitation to rumble on my behalf. If I do say so myself, the hound deserved the bark.

Who am I kidding. I am terrible at being told what to do. Especially by me. There are NOT 17 things I can realistically regulate. Let the misbehaving commence!


Christina said...

I understand your list these things don't happen to me either, or they do, but i'm just forgetful enough to not remember it. and I absolutley love the very first one: witty comments to stupid people. I feel for ya girlie, I was laughing all the way to the end of the list!

Chrissy said...

Kris, I just made Brian pause the tv and listen as I read this entry outloud. He laughed and then said, "I love Kris, aw, I miss those guys." So feel validated for today that you are loved and not all the time is wasted since we are more caught up with your lives than if you didn't blog. We especially appricated #3 as it is a comfort to know ours are not the only childreb who have picked up some colorful language at home.

Danielle Christiansen said...

Hey at least you know your boundaries right? That was great! I enjoyed reading and laughing.

Mindi said...

yeah, freakin' is one of mia's favorite words. doesn't sound so great coming out of the mouth of a three year old, but.....

i am QUEEN of thinking there are more than 24 hours in the day. i schedule way too much and accomplish way too little. like now, when i should be doing laundry. whoops

JoAnna said...

Okay! I'm a new REGULAR to your blog! I LOVE your header photo and title! Brilliant.

Jess said...

Love the list! So true in so many ways!

You always make me smile!!